Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
