some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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