ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
