I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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