theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
