WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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