Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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