Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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