Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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