I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i think i have two assholes
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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