Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
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