I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize