insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
