He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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