It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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