it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
