i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
