Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
