So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
