so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
