I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
