You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
