I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
