I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
