Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
