He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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