took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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