Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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