No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
