You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Still dying that you shit outside
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
