You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Actions speak louder than pants.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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