Non-Jews are for practice
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
