so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
