p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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