In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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