Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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