I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
