her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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