Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
