we have officially lost it.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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