So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
