Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
