Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
