I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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