Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
