you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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