my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
