Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
