we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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