You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
