I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
