This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
