I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
