i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
