He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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