remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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