I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
