Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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