i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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