dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
