I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
