Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
