We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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