With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
