Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
