I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
where are you?
Hypothermia
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
