if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
