now i know why i became what i already was.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
